With allies like this
by Infinite's Ruby
Summary: Eggman wonders what he's done wrong in life ending up with a pair of service robots most of the time isn't any help at all, a jackal who eats his food and has a hobby of howling in the middle of the night. Also, not helping matters is Metal Sonic who wishes to overthrow his creator. It doesn't help that none of his allies even remembers he has a birthday.


_Author's note The inspiration for this story came from the first Sonic Twitter Takeover with Eggman complaining that no one remembers his birthday which in turn creating a plot bunny who refused to leave my head along with the idea of Eggman's minions giving him a hard time in general._

 _The concept of Infinite stealing Eggman's toast comes from one of the official Sonic live streams since it was confirmed Infinite's favorite food is toast and thus the joke of Infinite stealing Eggman's toast was born._

 _Disclaimer I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog._

* * *

Eggman let out a low irritated sigh sitting hunched over at his desk flipping through a newspaper. The only sounds in the office are the sounds of the fan blades rotating slowly to keep Eggman cool in the blistering late June heat. Eggman wiped the sweat away from his brow the small frown creasing his face, his knuckles already turning white gazing down on the front of the newspaper.

The front page was a full-color image of Sonic and Tails standing together with the former with a broad smile holding a chilidog with the words happy birthday Sonic! Eggman growled in anger ripping up the front page into many tiny pieces scattering the colored paper everywhere spreading the small multicolored pieces of confetti all over his office. Eggman figured it would be another mess for Orbot to clean up later.

"It was my birthday yesterday too!" Eggman whined leaning back in his chair. "No one in my lair even remembers to say oh happy birthday Eggman oh please Sonic would be nothing without me!"

Eggman groaned throwing the mostly intact newspaper down on the table. Eggman leaned back in the chair ignoring the squeak of protest from its hinges. The sound irritated Eggman even more for he kicked out at the table leg ignoring the stabbing pain coming from his toes.

"None of my allies, are good enough to beat Sonic," Eggman grumbled. "Half the time my allies are either betraying me or are just incompetent most of the time. Maybe I need to use a stronger hedgehog spine proof metal. Oh, wait, Hedgehog spine proof metal is stupidly expensive."

A small noise alerted Eggman prompting to glance over in Orbot, and Cubot's direction hearing cards shuffled as Orbot and Cubot hovered away not too far away from him focusing their attention on the card game in their hands.

"Uno! I only have one card left!" Cubot cheered flailing his arms around in excitement.

"Cubot, I told you we are playing Go fish, not Uno," Orbot said sounding annoyed. "So, Boss if I may ask why do we even need more recruits?"

Eggman threw the newspaper on the table in irritation getting up out of the chair. Eggman resorted to pacing around the table rubbing his temples with two of his fingers sighing in anger.

"It's because I've got two useless service robots, a metallic counterpart to my arch enemy who can't even kill Sonic and a jackal that howls at night," Eggman ranted. "It would be nice if someone around here actually bothered to wish me a happy birthday!"

"Wait it was your birthday yesterday?" Cubot asked. "I thought it was a day off for us since you were wearing that funny hat. Not to mention all of the streamers all over the place and a sign that says give Eggman birthday cards or be turned into scrap metal."

Eggman ignored Cubot's comment

"Also, Boss I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Orbot began. "Infinite has taken to sleeping on both your bed and favorite couch while he's shedding his fur. Also, he's eaten most of your toast."

Alarmed at Orbot's words, Eggman hurried over to his favorite sizeable red couch decorated with grey pillows in the shape of the Egg Mobile. Eggman ran a hand over the sofa's surface frowning noticing several small hairs soiling his pristine couch. Eggman growled running up the stairs to his bedroom entering his sanctum. In the center of the room was Eggman's bed sitting next to a small bedside table with a book resting on it. Eggman pulled back the red and a grey blanket peering intently at the several black hairs standing out against the bed sheets.

"I told Infinite to not lie on my bed or couch when he's shedding his fur!" Eggman grumbled running over to a small glass cabinet marked in bright red letters that said in case of Infinite shedding break the glass. Eggman broke the glass avoiding the tiny glass shards flying everywhere. The mad scientist swiftly retrieved the lint roller storming down the stairs again looking for Infinite.

Eggman growled his temper building hearing someone chewing on his precious toast sound coming from the kitchen. The mad genius raced into the kitchen spying Infinite sitting at the table a piece of toast smothered in blue jelly taking a bite out of the toast chewing pushing the corner of his mask up while still obscuring most of his face to consume it.

"I should have known you were eating my toast, Infinite," Eggman spoke slowly in a dangerous tone. "Not only have I given you suitable living quarters which I'd thought you would like. That sushi I prepared for you is the best sushi in all of Mobius."

"You mean the tiny room with a thin blanket and no pillow?" Infinite asked sarcastically. "Besides your so-called best sushi, tastes like decaying whale flesh. It also made me feel ill for several days."

Eggman let out a low sigh recalling the spare room he'd given Infinite when he joined the Eggman Empire he'd done nothing, but gripe about his living quarters. The jackal bore a smug look going back to eating. Eggman felt his eye madly twitching observing the masked jackal finishing his dinner. Honestly, the jackal was a mercenary he should be more used to sleeping in less than favorable conditions.

"I've told you repeatedly that you can't sleep in my bed!" Eggman bellowed. "Also you're eating all of my toast and I need to get rid of the excess hair you're shedding."

"Doctor, there's nothing I can do when I'm shedding," Infinite replied calmly. "Besides, you need to trim the ugly thing you call a mustache. It's not a mustache, it's more of a dead rat attached to your face."

Angered by the insult Eggman made a lunge for Infinite successfully pinning him to the ground. Eggman dragged the lint roller through the soft fur yanking out black and white patches of hair ignoring the jackal's yelps of pain. Eggman paused to remove the strands of black and white hairs from the lint roller with one hand, keeping a foot pressed into the small of Infinite's back preventing him from getting up.

"You're yanking at my fur, you stupid fat man!"

"Okay, that's it!" Eggman said. "For the crimes of insulting my mustache, you're spending the night outside!"

Eggman grabbed the writhing jackal ignoring the furious punches and kicks landed on Eggman. Orbot and Cubot leaned back relaxing. Both of the service robots had become accustomed to the daily squabble which usually resulted in Eggman tossing Infinite out of the front door hastily locking him out for the night.

Eggman opened the door holding tightly onto Infinite sprinting across the lawn. After running for several meters coming to the middle of his garden, Eggman released his hold on Infinite dropping the startled jackal to the ground. Infinite got to his feet immediately his fingers reaching down to brush against the surface of the Phantom Ruby the visible eye narrowing in anger.

Eggman immediately broke into another mad dash with Infinite hot on his heels. Eggman reached the door first opening it quickly, closing the door hearing the thud Infinite's body made colliding with the cold metal of the door followed, by the loud pounding on the door, the jackal demanding to allowed back into the lair.

"I'm quite displeased by this Doctor!"

"No, you're staying out tonight," Eggman rebuked. "Also, don't even think about knocking over the trashcans! If you do, then you're staying out every night for the rest of the year Mr. I'm not weak!"

A frustrated snarl followed up by a mighty blow to the door caused Eggman to huff. Several more loud bangs against the door hinted Infinite taking his frustration out on the door. Eggman sighed in a tense relief. He'd designed the door himself to repel gullible echidnas who'd deceived out of the Master Emerald, angry robots starting a mutiny and the mailmen.

"You'll regret this Doctor!"

Eggman peered out of the window spying the jackal storming away in a lousy mood taking his frustration out on an unlucky egg pawn destroying it effortlessly. Infinite settled underneath a tree going under the cool shade of the tree's leaves lying on his side his tail thudding against the ground.

"Well, someone never hugged him when he was a kid."

Eggman dusted himself off grumbling in irritation wiping of the jackal hairs plastered all over his jacket. The small black and white hairs drifted down to the ground. Eggman was sweating profusely now turning his attention back to Orbot and Cubot. The two robots turned their attention back to their card game pretending to ignore the sound of several trash cans knocked over outside.

"Have either of you lunkheads seen Metal Sonic? I'm sure he's due for a maintenance check."

"Ooh ooh! I know where he went," Cubot eagerly answered Eggman's question. "Metal Sonic said he went off with several other robots, to talk about over-"

"About giving you a little surprise," Orbot slapped a hand to Cubot's mouth. "It's the other robots way of saying thank you for bringing them into the world."

"Oh well, if that's the case then I know where to find Metal Sonic." Eggman walked off a slight spring in his step heading ignoring the sounds of Cubot tying to pry Orbot's hands off his mouth.

Eggman blinked for several moments debating whether to believe Orbot. Before either Orbot or Cubot could say anything else, Eggman strode of heading down to the lower basement whistling a tune to keep his spirits up placing two fingers on his temple rubbing his forehead angrily.

"Why did you interrupt me?" Cubot asked in a fierce whisper. "Metal Sonic said not to tell him."

"Because Metal Sonic threatened to rip us too little robotic parts," Orbot replied. "Besides it'll be a nice surprise for the boss."

Orbot and Cubot turned their focus back to their game. A peaceful silence fell over the room without Eggman breathing down their backs. They could resume their card game in peace until Cubot broke the silence.

"You've got to pick up two Orbot!"

Orbot sighed shaking his head from side to side. Maybe he would have to ask their creator if it was possible to replace Cubot with a slightly more intelligent robot.

* * *

Metal Sonic's optics glanced around the small meeting room shifting his gaze on the small crowd of robots sitting there hunched up on the wooden crates. Most of them staring Metal Sonic pacing back and forth the tips of his shoes scuffing the floor. A small pile of wooden placards rested on the floor.

"I'm pleased to see that all of you received my summons," Metal Sonic said. "Do you have any idea why you're here?"

"Is it because you want to use us as target practice?" One of the robots asked. "I mean it's what our creator's been doing us for years, by sticking us in the path of that blue lunatic, only to become robot confetti."

Metal Sonic turned to glare at the speaker. The robot sheepishly lowered its hand aware of the other robots looking at it shuffling to the back of the small crowd not wanting to draw Metal Sonic's ire towards it.

"No, it's because our creator has been building us for years to kill that insufferable hedgehog for years!" Metal Sonic replied. "No, if this empire is to succeed someone needs to replace our bumbling creator, and I'm the perfect robot for such a task. Once Eggman has been overthrown, I promise all of you will have bingo nights, robot poker, and you'll build a monument to your new lord Metal Sonic!"

The robots broke into cheers at Metal Sonic's speech with one of them paused for a moment, allowing Metal Sonic's words to sink into its processor. A few of the other robots stopped their cheers with some of them glancing at each other in confusion.

"Wait a minute what was the last one you said?"

Metal Sonic paused realizing his error. The rest of the robots slowly turned to each other muttering to themselves in suspicion.

"I meant to say all of you will get the weekends off."

Metal Sonic held his nonexistent breath until the robots broke out once more in cheers. No one noticed Metal Sonic raising a hand to wipe away the non-existent sweat away from his forehead.

"Eggman is coming!" An Eggrobo raced into the room. "We need to get out the emergency party supplies!"

The robots broke into a run rushing around to withdrawing several banners, and birthday streamers. Two of the robots opened a box containing a hastily made a chocolate cake as Eggman threw open the metallic door an enraged expression his mouth open ready to demand answers only to have the cake shoved into his hands. In the next moment, several streamers launched into the air, some of them settling around Eggman's shoulders.

"Happy late birthday boss!"

The robots paused waiting for Eggman's reaction. The genius' lips trembled in emotion his eyes becoming wet with unshed tears of emotion.

"You remembered!" Eggman let out a cry of joy throwing his arms around Metal Sonic. "Even though it's a day late! At least someone around here remembers it's my birthday!"

Metal Sonic weakly struggled to get free awkwardly patting Eggman's back feeling his creator loosen his grip on him. Eventually, Eggman let go of his prize creation had a broad smile on his face finally happy that someone remembered his birthday, albeit a day late.

"Come on, let's go celebrate it together with a good old-fashioned Maintenance check!"

Metal Sonic glanced back at the robots seeing them rushing about to the pile of placards. At least Metal Sonic's plan would hopefully go off without a hitch.

"You do not understand, what will happen tonight," Metal Sonic chuckled.

"What was that?"

Metal Sonic paused his Central processing unit trying to process an excuse. "We will throw you a firework show tonight."

"Ah that's wonderful," Eggman replied jovially. "But you're still getting that maintenance check."

Metal Sonic kept his metallic fingers closed resisting the urge to kill his creator right now. All Metal Sonic could do for now was to wait and bide his time for the right moment to strike with his plan. It would be a firework show Eggman wouldn't forget in a hurry.

* * *

Eggman lay back in his bed his head resting against the pillow. To deal with the persistent summer heat even at night, Eggman opened the window allowing a cool breeze to flow into the room. Eggman to let an out a low sigh having consumed the slice of cake, and his pile of toast next to him. Eggman felt content placing his hands on his stomach staring up at the ceiling.

"Perhaps I'll deal with that hedgehog tomorrow," Eggman stifled a yawn. "You know what they say a good night's sleep often does lead to dead hedgehogs."

For a few brief moments Eggman, at last, fell into a gentle sleep, and however, his peaceful slumber wouldn't last long.

A loud piercing howl filled the night air causing Eggman's eyes to snap open causing Eggman to sit upright in his bed looking towards the open window fighting the urge to groan out loud. Eggman grabbed the pillow placing it over his head to drown out the howls. Eggman got out of his bed running over to the window glaring at Infinite staring at him defiantly before he threw his head back letting out another loud howl. Eggman could only describe the noise like a squeaky donkey on helium.

"Oh, for Chaos' sake Infinite it's the middle of the night!" Eggman bellowed. "Stop that infernal howling at once!"

"No," Infinite replied glaring back at Eggman. "You locked me out for the night, and I'll howl until you let me back in!".

Eggman growled leaving the warm comfort of his bed running over to the window slamming it shut. Eggman returned to his bed growling under his breath hearing the annoying sound coming through the window. Eggman grabbed a pillow burying his head under the pillow to drown out the howling. Eggman's eye twitching in frustration.

Eggman let out a low irritated sigh eying up the plate of toast, and the book splayed open with the title being how to kill a hedgehog in seven easy steps.

"Infinite's bound to tire himself out eventually," Eggman reasoned with himself blinking tiredly. "There's no way he can keep howling all night long."

Two hours later Eggman gritted his teeth pressing his pillow into his head even harder tossing and turning in frustration still hearing Infinite howling in the middle of the night. Eggman glanced over at the pile of toast on the plate before he let out an irritated sigh. Eggman grumbled getting out of his bed stalking over to the open window hearing the loud howls. It wouldn't come as a shock to Eggman if Infinite's howling attracted every single jackal in Mobius.

"Infinite shut up with that weak howling at once!"

The moment Infinite heard the word weak he ceased his howling whipping his head around a low growl levitating into the air making a beeline for Eggman's room. At that moment Eggman realized his mistake before Infinite wrenched the window open lunging at Eggman pinning him to the ground a furious black and white blur jumping up and down on Eggman's stomach ignoring his pleas to stop.

"I am not weak! I am not weak!" Infinite snarled. "Find somewhere else to sleep tonight!"

In the blink of an eye, Eggman found himself thrown out of the room holding onto a pillow crashing with a thud on the cold floor. Within seconds Eggman heard the door slam behind him followed by the sounds of his locks sliding into place. Eggman banged on the door hearing the blankets pulled back hearing the jackal settling into his bed then munching on the toast piled up on a small plate. Eggman growled stomping down the hallway in a foul mood.

"Great, what else can go wrong?"

As if fate itself chose that moment to answer Eggman's question an explosion echoed from the lower levels of Eggman's base as if to answer his question. Through the small hole, robots raced through the small hole holding up small placards with a crudely drawn face of Eggman with a red x drawn over his face.

"Robot revolution!" Several robots cried raising their voices in a loud cheer. "Metal Sonic for the leader of the Eggman Empire! Down with Eggman!"

Eggman let out a low groan rubbing at his temples again. Eggman glanced over at Orbot and Cubot laughing at the robot revolution. Eggman sighed in irritation by hearing Infinite moving about on the bed no doubt shedding even more of his hairs everywhere on his furniture. Eggman face palmed closing his eyes feeling a headache coming on.

"I hate all of you," Eggman muttered shaking his head. "Once again my evil lair needs to be fixed. I'll also need to hire new minions."

* * *

 _Author's note There we go a little light humourous one shot, and I hope that people liked it since it was one I've wanted to write for a while._

 _As per usual constructive criticism/thoughts and reviews are welcomed and appreciated. Have a good rest of the weekend._


End file.
